Being a parent is a challenge and being a parent of stubborn children is even more challenging. But how to get success in this challenge, is a big challenge too. Because every child is different, that is why their stubbornness is different. What I observe with my child is, the best way to deal with a stubborn child is to ignore their bad behavior and appreciate their right behavior. I know it is difficult to ignore a crying and screaming child but believe me, it works. Some points we need to put focus on are given below.
Is stubbornness good?
Well, we need to go deep here. We need to understand the difference between stubbornness and determined child. Being committed or determined child is good, it is the best rather. But being stubborn child is not good. So what is the difference between these two. Please don’t get bore as I m going little deeper now. Suppose you have two children one is a bull headed stubborn child that is A and other is determined and purposeful child named as B. Now you can observe, child A will never listen to you unless you use some strategies that I will mention further. But at the same time child B will listen to you. You can see that B is a highly creative and developed child and on the contrary child A is just want to do what he wants to do repeatedly.
Difference between good and bad stubbornness
Here I am going to showcase some points related unadaptable child A and resolute child B:
- Child A and B both are super curious.
- Child A want to do things the way he want but child B tries to improve his ways.
- Child A can be bossy most of the times but child B is little introvert and put focus on his work, not on tantrums and bossy games.
- Child A want to be acknowledged and attention all the time while child B does’nt want all time attention.
- Child A asks you any stupid thing most of the time but child B put smart questions.
- Child A want to be heard but child B just want his work done.
- Child A and B both have leadership qualities.
- Child A refuses your ways most of the time while child B shows maturity in this case and he listens.
Tips to deal with stubborn child
- be patient
- don’t force them
- listen to your child
- useful punishment for stubborn child
- give them options
- make everything exciting
- make positive environment
- be a partner of your child
- stubborn child to strong willed child
- tell them about their stubborn behavior
You may have experienced, when your fussy baby does’nt want to open his mouth to eat and if somehow opens, then he forget to close the mouth. And in winter season, when your awkward 3 year old does’nt want to come out of the bathroom. And when your adamant toddler wants to paint entire floor. Most important and very common, when your baby runs after the one who is going out of the house. But what to do? So don’t worry dear, here I have mentioned few tips which you will find helpful to handle the stubbornness of your child
Patience is the most value able key in the whole good parenting journey. And even more important when the child is stubborn. Don’t shout on him and don’t argue with him because he will give you the same response. Even if he is shouting or screaming, then tell your child that you cannot hear loud voices. And start pretending like deaf people. But to do this, first you need to become dumb when he shout. And for that keep yourself positive. Spend quality time with your family. Watch movies together, play games and hangout. Find time for yourself.
Don’t force them
What if you could become the member of your child’s team? He will start trusting you and take you as a friend, and then he will listen you. But if you force him to do things in your ways then he will become rebellious. And he will give you the opposite response of your expectations. So if your child wants to do something, let him do. For instance, your child wants to play games on phone at late night. Then you can say “hey! I know another game which is better then this, let’s try that one”. And after spending little time in game you can politely say ” tomorrow we will play games now its time sleep”. So this how you can use different strategies.
Listen to your child
A polite conversation keeps the solution of every dispute.
If you want your willful child to listen you then you have to listen him too. Though the children are not compatible to adults but we should listen to them. Instead of forcing your innocent child, you should ask and listen him. Suppose if he is not eating food then ask, why he is not eating, ask if wants to eat something else. And pretend, as if you are taking his answers seriously. You have to keep in mind that your child is strong willed but not stupid. So its better listen to him and try to understand his perspective.
Useful punishment for stubborn child
Don’t take the word punishment as punishment, but take it as a part of training. Children should be aware of the policy of rules, regulations and discipline at home. But what if they do wrong? You can make rules even for that, cut pocket money, cut the play hours, cut TV hours, give them any house hold task etc. In this way your child will learn even in punishment. But don’t shout or let other children make fun of him. The main motto behind punishment is the realization of the mistake and not to take revenge.
Give them options
Giving options or diverting the mind is the best tool to handle stubborn children. We should keep in mind that our child is curious about everything and it is good too. But sometimes things goes harmful or risky for children. So in that case you can put options for him. But of course, not so many options. Suppose if your child say he don’t want to eat veggies, first try to convince him and tell him the benefits of eating veggies. But still if you gives up, then you can put options. Suppose if your child don’t want to sleep, then ask him if he want to listen a new and exciting bed time story. Accordingly you can use required options for your child.
Make everything exciting
Here the art comes. Children are not like adults, if they find something which is can excite them they fall in love with that. Here are some examples which you will find useful for the obstinate child in the family
- Decorate the food before serving
- If you have more then one child then put a competition of who will finish the food first
- make pooping a very big and courageous task
- appreciate your child every time he poops in the pot
- Share your school stories while doing school work
- promise him for a reward when required and give him
Make positive environment
Positive surrounding is important not only for our stubborn child but for parents too. Children are learning through observation too. So if you they see you arguing and shouting, then they will do the same persistently. And specially with your spouse. Marital discords plays important role in the environment of the family. So first build a healthy relation with your partner and other people then you can expect improvement from your child.
Be a partner of your child
This is a fact that we listen more to our friends and partners rather then our elders. And if you become your child’s partner then, it will be a blessing for him and for you as well. Try to use words like let’s try this, its really fun to be the part of this task, we are having fun in this, we both will do this and see who will do better and faster. Sacrifice along with them, like at home you can make a no sugar day or no TV day. By following these practices, your child will learn how to control his feelings and also how to put money in piggy bank instead of spending. In this way he will learn how to do the task which you are working on, and you will be able to build a friendly relation with him.
Stubborn child to strong willed child
As I have already mentioned that being stubborn is not good but being strong willed or determined is a blessing. So here you need to be tricky so that you can change his stubbornness into determination. I have already wrote so many methods and tips but the gist of all is to keep him occupied. Because we knows his potential but we don’t know how to withdraw that potential. Keep working and learning about something or the other is better then arguing, forcing, denying etc. So at this point, parents need to be more attentive and see what you can do to keep your child busy?
Tell them about their stubborn behavior
Whenever you see your child in good mood, sit with him and tell him about his bad behavior. Give him examples of good and bad behavior. Give him options that ” you could have done like that but you did this”. Ask him if he can see the difference between two behaviors. Ask him which one is good and better. Let him realize that he is stubborn. And tell him how to control and work on his attitude. Talk to him like a mature person and listen to him and understand his opinion. And I am sure he will definitely repeat the mistake, and again you have to make him realize and so on.
These days we put focus on our studies and jobs and take them as our investment. Even though our best investment is the investment of our time and money in our children. We all have that one stubborn child in our family. And most of the time parents leave him as they are or send him to hostel, without knowing that they have born a gem. And they don’t take that gem as their future. This is quite disappointing. I want all parents to learn more about parenting so that they can withdraw the potentials of the a real star at home and ultimately they will be able to secure their future. That is why I have taken the concept that parenting should be a mandatory subject of academics.